If you’re a major stud with a Tim Conway, Jr. jones

Listen to the inaugural episode of the Pretty Good Podcast with Gina “Carrie Fisher minus the Marlboros” Grad and Randy “McDonald’s doesn’t charge extra for a McDouble-Mac if you order it right” Wang on Monday.

Tim will be sitting in with these lunatics as they figure out how to make a million dollars in four days doing a podcast. Oh, wait. Gina and Randy don’t have $1600 car payments or  $3600 rent payments. The podcast will be free.

As Tim once Replied to All on a CBS  mass email from Les Moonves, “Sounds good to me.”

I haven’t been this happy since Reagan was elected

So remember that episode of Family Ties where Alex was a DJ at the school radio station? He played all those old swing records and fell in love with a 40-year old lady caller. If you don’t, I’m sorry to tell you that is not one of the 63 episodes available on Hulu. (Check for yourself. It’s episode 31 – Sweet Lorraine.) Probably because of those super annoying music copyright rules.

Anyway, those were the good old days. DJs could play what they wanted and music radio shows were just that – shows. You listened because the DJs were interesting and they were passionate about the music and you learned something from them. It wasn’t just random idiots talking up a prescribed list of songs and trying to hit that post. (Not you, Brian. You’re the best.)

OK, I know this blog is about talk radio, not music radio. And I know that was a school radio station, not a real one. But I see the same thing happening in talk radio. Unique local hosts are being replaced by mostly lame syndicated hosts. 

Let’s learn our lesson before it’s too late. We don’t need more Mark Levins. We’re all stocked up. We need more Doug McIntyres, Frosty Stilwells, April Winchells, Tim Conway, Jrs. (Jr.s? Jr.’s? – How do you write the plural of Jr.? A google search returns a bunch of matches for plural marriages.) Anyway, more people like Tim Conway, Jr. 

I bet we’ve been together for a million years…

HowAreYou HowAreYou HowAreYou

So normally I don’t listen to KABC in the morning. For a couple reasons really. I’m still kinda mad at them for pushing my beloved Mr. KABC out the door. And they have SO many commercials and news breaks that it’s difficult to actually catch the show.

But I do like Doug McIntyre. He’s smart, unique and interesting. Those are great qualities in a talk show host. Plus he’s an expert on the Wright Brothers. You gotta love a man with a specific passion like that. (Remind me not to tell you about the time I was reading a book and had two Netflix movies all about Queen Elizabeth I.)

I’m podcasting the show this week. Let’s see how it goes.

Air check – KLSX edition

So it’s been about two months since 97.1 flipped to Top 40. Let’s see where we stand with the former KLSXers…

Adam Carolla – Free daily podcast. Terrible sound quality, moderately good content.

Frosty, Heidi and Frank – Free weekly podcast. Good quality shows. Frosty seems to be giving up on them though. Heidi is trying to break into the How Many Pictures Of My Dogs Can I Post On Facebook business. Frank is busy buying expensive gifts for his girlfriend.

Danny Bonaduce – Morning drive in Philadelphia.

Tom Leykis – Writing a MySpace blog. Really, Tom, MySpace?

Tim Conway, Jr. – Trying to break the record for how many radio jobs a single dude can have. I count 5 at this time.

John and Jeff – Still rocking that third shift. But not in Los Angeles.

So at this point the breakaway winner is…Tim Conway, Jr. maaan. I said it, that guy is a major stud.

BTW Frank and Heidi, I’m calling BS on those horse stories today.

Frank, didn’t you say your horse outlived you?

What am I doing today?

Downloading old Conway and Whitman podcasts.

Listening to Jillian Michaels.

Re-organizing my iPod.

Subscribing to the weekend KFI RSS feeds. (Note to KFI: Please separate the weekend show feeds. I do not want to download John Batchelor or Handel on the Law.)

Wondering if Marc Germain will have a Six-Line Tribute to Bea Arthur on Monday.

Wishing I could hear Brian Whitman and Gina Grad sing the Maude theme song.

Lady Godiva was a freedom rider…

Four days

I’ll say it again. Four days. That’s how long Brian Whitman gave his podcast to make money before he threw in the towel. The podcast is over. The bodcast is over. The bobcast is over. The bobseld is over. Over.

I promised Brian I would always say beautiful things about him on this blog. I’m going to keep that promise and simply say, directly to you, Brian, (wow, that’s a lot of commas in this sentence) you truly are the best. As Tim Conway, Jr. once said, “The number one voice guy in industrials.” I will miss you.

And, finally, here’s a list of Brian Whitman quotes I’ll never have the chance to use on this blog.

Sally Struthers called me at home!!!

I’ve got a great Ob-Gyn.

You wanna try that Wendy?

I have a light saber in my house. Do you want it?

Poor Chechnya and Georgia. I have a bumper sticker that says that.

I’ve been in radio resetting for years.

KFI AM 640 – More Depressing Talk Radio

Dear KFI,

Remember 9/11? Of course you do. Remember when Bill Handel had to fill in for Rush Limbaugh because he couldn’t get to a studio? I do. I was listening. The TV was on mute and the radio was tuned to KFI practically 24 hours a day for several weeks following that tragic day.

And remember when David Letterman went back on the air and gave us permission to laugh again? Of course you do. We all do.

Now we’re in the midst of a war and a radical recession. I’m a freelance writer after working 11 years for a company that is now bankrupt.

So while I’m scouring the Internet in search of a full time job with health benefits (that COBRA only lasts so long), I’m listening to Bill Handel, John and Ken, and Kennedy and Suits. I get it – the country sucks, taxes are out of control, and I’ll probably have to write a free blog forever. I’ll vote No on all the propositions on May 19. I get it.

Here’s something you may not realize. We need to laugh again. We can’t take the depressing talk anymore. There’s a reason people spend more money on entertainment during recessions. I’ll quote Tim Conway, Jr. here, “We need to enjoy ourselves!”

With 11 hours of local programming on your station Monday – Friday, surely you can find a couple hours to bring a little levity to the negativity-fest.

There are a bunch of funny talk show hosts out of work. You have your pick of the best. Pick one.

I’ll close in the spirit of the great fairly good Jack Silver, “Make with the funny!”

Another Whitless Wednesday?

So here’s the situation. Brian’s sick. Normally that means a Whitless Wednesday. But now he’s the star of the show. And he just started charging for the podcast. And they record the show in his backyard.

Do you think Brian flamed out? He did not! He stuck around for a full show of Louie Anderson impressions, hitting that post with Don Imus (W ennn BC), how did Gina mace herself, and apologies from Randy Wang. Good times.

Personal note to Brian Whitman: Please, please stop mock vomiting. I can’t take it.

I’m off to download Gloria.

I’m Mary effing Hart from Entertainment Tonight. Did you see my legs?

Being in Star Wars is like being in the Bible

Or, since when do you have to be 18 to buy tampons?

So remember when Adam Carolla’s movie, The Hammer, came out? And he told us he often got the super-high-voice, slap-and-a-kiss review – It’s good!

Well I checked out a new podcast and (with all due affection and respect) I’m going to give it the same review – It’s good!

Nerdy in a cute way, Marc Chambers and Tod Perry host Low Budget Radio, “A show where two normal guys talk about normal things.” It is just that. And I like it. I even subscribed.

Technically, the podcast sounds good. Marc and Tod are confident and comfortable at the mic and I enjoyed the show topics. They’re not swearing every other word (we can talk about swearing in podcasts later), though I did LOL when they used the major MF term but said “ess” in the same sentence.

Oh, and one more thing. Tod (I think it was him) does a stellar Jack Silver impression. If that doesn’t make the podcast worth downloading, I don’t know what does.

Can I develop more of a relationship with the 7-11 guy?