I am Barbaro

Mark this date – 20 April 2009. (I’m using British convention since I’m still stuck in anglophile mode. See this and this.) Jack Silver filled in for Frosty on FHFU today and he was actually funny!

I don’t know if it’s the engagement or the unemployment but it seems that Jack has been humbled a little bit. Maybe it’s the lack of lunches at The Palm with Tom Leykis. I don’t know.  But it was a pleasant surprise to hear Jack be sensitive with the callers and their relationship problems.

OK, so maybe he wasn’t that sensitive – I think his photo’s still on the wall over at Frosty’s joint, if you know what I mean.

I could never do this job – it’s too funny.

P.S. Congratulations April Winchell!

Chimpanzee that

So I’ve been listening to old Ricky Gervais podcasts and last night I had a dream David Brent was my ex-boyfriend.

Note to self: Lay off the Ricky Gervais podcast for a while. And maybe leave The Office DVDs in the cabinet.

I’ll pop the kettle on.

Like a lady hobo

Show of hands – who is awake and listening to talk radio at 5:00am? Just me? That’s OK, that’s why God invented podcasts.

If you haven’t listened to the Bill Handel show on KFI in the last couple years, you’ve missed out on a great new addition. Lara Hermanson brings a younger, cooler, tougher, freakier vibe to an established morning show on a conservative radio station. (I know, Bill Handel is not conservative. Let’s not get into that.)

The 5am hour is looser and funnier than the other, more scheduled, hours. Frequently Handel and gang waste the entire hour talking about toilets, musicals, which months have ides, and the snow pack.

But the 5am hour is also when you get to hear the most from Lara. Like tales from her dead marching band. I’m not exactly sure what that means but I think she dresses up like a dead person and parades about in cemetaries playing the accordian.

Not exciting enough? How about stories of going to mass to appease her visiting mother and falling into a huge puddle of toilet water? (See, toilets do come up a lot.)

I just like her because she lives in a crappy apartment with no heater. I can relate.

Hoffman, look it up!

I don’t want to get too deep into the ketchup craziness

So tonight is the last night of Tim Conway, Jr. filling in for Kennedy and Suits, 7-10pm on KFI. I’ve listened to every show this week and all signs point to Bryan Suits returning on Monday. Bad vibes.

OK, so KFI has to keep Kennedy and Suits around until their contract runs out. But I suggest this…

John and Ken 3-7

Kennedy and Suits 7-9

Tim Conway, Jr. 9-12

Coast to Coast 12-5

KFI has had similar lineups in the past, though it’s been awhile. So let’s just try this out until Kennedy and Suits flame out and Tim buzzes into the 7-10 slot.

Or, how about this? Let’s resurrect the Tim and Neil show, but with Tim Conway, Jr. instead of Tim Kelly! (OK, so that might be a little crazy.)

I’m not a big runner. I know you looked at me and thought – Bingo, we nailed it.

P.S. To the person who found my blog by searching “tim and neil kfi radio,” you’re awesome!

P.P.S. One good thing about FHF being off the air is we won’t be subjected to a lame 4/20 themed show on Monday. I hope.

Oh, that Brian David Whitman

Or, baby, please.

So it all started with a message on a MySpace page…

If I do a daily podcast will you studs throw five bucks at me?

The answer, of course, was (and still is) YES.

Thus began the Brian Whitman Podcast. In a mere 42 episodes it has changed from the Brian Whitman Podcast, to the Conway and Whitman Podcast, to the Conway and Whitman Bodcast, to B-Dub and the Bobsled, and now I think it’s the Brian Whitman Podcast again, but I’m not really sure.

Also in 42 episodes it has gone from $5/month to free with no advertisers, to free with discreet advertisers, to free with outrageously oppressive advertisers. Now it seems we’re at $3/month.

The money is not a  problem. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, this is the BEST podcast out there. It is worth way more than $3/month. I’m happy to pay. I really am.

But Brian, baby. Please. You have to give this some time to build. I know you want to make a ton of money overnight. I want that for you. You deserve it. Subscription-based podcasts are very different from radio. People listen to the radio in the car when they have nothing better to do. People have to be proactive to listen to podcasts. Look, I’m not telling you anything you don’t know. You’re a radio bull and a huge stud.

So please give it a chance and I’ll tell everyone I know to “Subscribe on brianwhitman.com! It’s less than the price of a Starbucks!”

Yeah, I’m Space effin Mountain.

All I ever wanted for my birthday was bacon

Or, bad vibes. No mug.

Today’s bobsled was super funny – one of the best so far. If you’re not already a fan and you’re getting a radical depression from AM talk radio, please give it a try.

You can hear the studs talk about…

1970s and 1980s TV sitcoms

1970s and 1980s TV game shows

1970s and 1980s top 40 hits

OK, so there’s kind of theme going there.

But you can also hear mention of Miss Landers and Lumpy Rutherford. I don’t care what you say, you’re not going to hear Doug McIntyre or Peter Tilden drop those current references. (Brian, in case I don’t say it enough – you’re the best!)

What is the hottest selling item at the Dallas Fort Worth International Airport?

Don Imus bobble-heads.

P.S. Happy Birthday, Steve Grad – SPORTS!

This is just to say – talk radio edition

Really good episode of This American Life this week about apologies that aren’t really apologies. Very interesting story about cryonics and the infamous Chatsworth scandal. Also featured versions of the famous poem, This is just to say, by William Carlos Williams.

Here are mine.

Version #1

I have stopped
listening
to Bill Handel
at 5am

and John
and Ken at 3
Podcasts
are better

Forgive me
Whitman is
a huge stud
I said it maan

Version #2

My dear Frosty
the bees
are loved and
missed They are

drowning
in their own honey
Please find
a new hive

Forgive me
for this poem
I’m no
Charles Kuralt

Version #3

First time caller
longtime
listener
mega dittos

as I
was telling your
screener
take the oath?

Look at you
can you take me out
Kobe style
with a bong rip

<sophiaconway>blow.me.up.tom!</sophiaconway>

Oh how terribly funny that one

Quick programming notes…

Tim Conway, Jr. maan (OK, I’m back to using the comma in his name. I didn’t become a Grammar Master on Facebook for nothing!) is filling in for Kennedy and Suits on KFI tonight and all next week. He’ll also be on Sunday 2-5. Remember what I said?

Mike Mendoza in the UK is starting his own show on Talk Radio One next Wednesday. Maybe it’s just because I love British TV shows, but I heart Mike Mendoza. Mr. KABC and Al Rantel fans should already be familiar.

Jack Silver (That rhymes with Wilbur, the guy who talked to Mr. Ed.) fills in for Frosty on Monday’s FHFU. Frosty either had jury duty or had to get his hair cut. Again. Oh that Deena.

Brian Whitman contest results on Monday, not today as originally planned. (And I already cleared a space for my mug!)

Weekend shows to check out…

Wayne Resnick – KFI Saturday 7-10pm (Brian, don’t worry. Wayne’s taking good care of Tim.)

Jesus Christ - KFI Sunday 6-9am (It’s Easter. It’s the least you can do.)

And re-listen to those bobsleds, maan. (This is for you, Brian…Subscribe on iTunes! Subscribe on iTunes!)

We just laughed and laughed.

P.S. Congratulations to Bryan Suits on the birth of his daughter – Reagan Ladybug. (I know, I didn’t get it either.)

When a guy runs for president and I know he doesn’t have a snowball’s chance in hell of winning, I like to get one of his mugs

So tomorrow is a big day. A day that Brian Whitman is dreading, and a day I’m kinda excited about. (BTW, this spell checker did not flag “kinda” as misspelled. Is this a real word now?!)

Brian has a collection of thousands of mugs. I think he specializes in political mugs, but he also enjoys radio station mugs and Barry Manilow mugs (he has five of these). Anyway, someone (Randy?) convinced him to give a few mugs away as contest prizes.

So here I sit, waiting for the bobsled to see if I’ve won one of Brian Whitman’s old coffee-stained mugs?! I’m such a loser. But I still hope I win.

 

-This is like Sophie’s Choice.

-It’s worse than that.

P.S. Thanks Wayne for the new theme song. I said it maan, you’re the best!