Watch out for that renegade polio

Pretty exciting week in talk radio.

First, Lara “The Virgin Mary is the Pope’s Baby Momma” Hermanson gave Gina and Randy a flu shout out on the Bill Handel show this week. Isn’t that exciting? No?

Then some thrilling news from the Tim Conway, Jr. camp. (BTW, as it turns out I signed up for his newsletter on three different email addresses. Sorry, Jen, for overinflating your numbers.)

Oh, nothing.

From August 10-11 Timmy Conway, Jr. maaan will be filling in for John and Ken. (For the uninitiated that’s 3-7 pacific KFI am640, more stimulating talk radio.)

And…

Wait for it…

From August 12-14 Conway and Steckler will be filling in for John and Ken!!

I cannot begin to tell you how awesome this is. Even if you’re not a huge J&K fan, or if you get sick of them from time to time (I do), it sucks when they’re on vacation.

Usually the super-sarcastic-in-a-mean-way Bryan Suits fills in, or they stagger their vacations so that most days it’s either John OR Ken, or someone fills in until 6:00 then they play reruns. Whatever. The point is, it’s not the same and it’s usually a waste of time.

Not this time.

I’m super excited! But I’m a loser like that.

P.S. Look for even more super exciting news on Monday regarding a certain trio, one of whom is remodeling his recording studio. And getting new carpet. Doesn’t that sound amazing?

The world looked nicer with more cloth

Here’s a mash up inspired by Frosty’s recent photo caption on Facebook and an old Ricky Gervais podcast I was listening to…

a) Heidi – John Glenn was not part of the Apollo 11 moon landing. Bong!

b) Why does Bill Handel keep taking “scheduled days off?” Bong!

c) BW – Tom Leykis is a huge loser. Do a different kind of podcast! Bong!

d) Dina Losito has breathed new life into Talk Radio One. Bong!

e) Gina – I hope KFI hires you. Bong!

f) Get ready for a daily FHFU. Bong!

g) Talk show hosts who mock 13-year old callers are egotistical blowhards. Bong!

h) Sir, you’ve run out of ideas. Bong!

i) I didn’t mean to start a podcast war. Bong!

j) I’ve seen the new HP movie three times so far. Wait, that doesn’t have to do with talk radio. Bong!

k) Mediocre is the new fabulous! Bong!

l) Randy is the brand new Podfather? Bong!

m) If Bill’s not there, Wayne should be. Gary upsets the natural order of things. Bong!

n) Who was that loser who hung up on Marc and Dina? Bong!

o) Why does This American Life only keep one episode? Is this some sort of punishment? Next time, try asking nicely instead of laying on a guilt trip. Bong!

p) How old is Leo Quinones? Bong!

q) How many letters does the English alphabet need? Bong!

r) I’m fed up with beef jerkey and Hulu. Bong!

s) A white sport coat and a pink crustacean. Bong!

t) I love to joke about Myrna Loy. Bong!

u) Your clue contained a portion of the word, which means you’re penalized for that. Bong!

v) Tim Conway, Jr. has a new (non-Randy Wang special) website. Bong!

w) Brian Whitman is not dead! Bong!

x) Hmmm…two more to go. Bong!

y) I’m not as good at this as Frosty. Bong!

z) Done. Bong!

Jillian Michaels is too Ryan Seacresty. Dear.

Gary Hoffman of “and to you, sir” fame from the Bill Handel show has taken over Jillian Michael’s 9-11 slot on Sundays.

It’s called the Gary Hoffman News Talk Radio Program Show. I mean, The Gary Hoffman Show with News and Talk Radio.

I don’t know, something original like that. Something that conveys the message that it’s a talk show, it’s hosted by Gary Hoffman, and it’s about the news.

I only had time to listen to the first few minutes this morning, but it sounded good. The worst thing about brand new shows is the host is usually nervous and doesn’t know what to say. Gary was better than most, not as good as some.

While Jillian Michaels never became a good talk show host, I did enjoy her show and will miss it.

My first digital camera was 1.2 megapixels

Or, Skype, Stickham, and Paltalk suck.

OK, maybe suck isn’t the right word. I guess they have their place. If your best friend lives in Japan or your daughter is spending a semester in France, by all means Skype away.

If you need to do whatever people do on Paltalk, please. Get to it. (What do people do on Paltalk?)

But if you host a podcast, and that podcast is in the top 10 of all iTunes, and your BFF hosts a national network TV nighttime talk show, and your show already sounds like it was recorded in an submarine, and you love cars, and boxing, and sleeping, and pie, Skype is not for you.

I understand the desire to recreate a traditional talk radio experience. You want callers, more audience feedback, people to bust Frosty’s lack of show prep on the spot.

Unfortunately, there are a number of problems.

Firstly, the technologoy is not ready. It’s like going back to playing Pong after years of World of Warcraft. OK, I don’t know what that means – all these nerds are rubbing off on me. It’s like reading Sweet Valley High after reading Sense and Sensibility.

Secondly, most people don’t listen to podcasts live. That’s kind of the point.

And, finally, 98% of talk radio callers are idiots. Do you think podcast callers are better? Probably not.

Now if you really want a live Internet show with reasonable calls, figure out what Marc Germain is doing. His system is the best. Or maybe just the least annoying.

I’m not worried, Harry. I am with you.

In honor of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, I listened to episode 175 of MuggleCast. You have to admire a bunch of high schoolers (they’re in college now) who created and maintain a sophisticated website and podcast with an annual revenue (according to Wikipedia) of over $100,000.

OK, so they read some really (Seriously. REALLY) bad and embarrassing fan fic. (Please, Ron walked out on Hermione so she’s hooking up with Malfoy? Right.) To their credit, they didn’t write it – they just read it.

But they also discussed whether Dumbledore would have been attracted to Jamie Campbell Bower. So they really hit it with the hard HP news.

DON’T CALL ME COWARD!

P.S. Please spoiler alert me if you’re going to email about the movie. I can’t see it until tomorrow!

Extra skin around the elbow

Or, why doesn’t anyone knee Joe Jackson in the groin?

So weird day for radio/podcasting yesterday.

KFI pre-empted Rush and Dr. Laura to cover the Michael Jackson memorial. Bill Handel and Gary Hoffman, followed by John and Ken, definitely provided unique coverage. I liked it. I love it when Eric Leonard (LOVE him!!) is out in the crowd with the lunatics, Steve Gregory is enduring icy cold stares whilst clandestinely calling in on his cell phone, Bill Handel knows nothing about the event he’s covering, and John and Ken criticize everyone and everything.

So here’s where I admit something. I realized yesterday that I don’t know what anyone looks like. Since I only listen to talk radio news and I only watch 10-year old British TV shows, I don’t know the difference between Al Sharpton and Jermaine Jackson.

Oh wait. My brother once thought that the photo of Gabriel Garcia Marquez (I’m sorry, I don’t know how to make the accent marks) on the back of my copy of 100 Years of Solitude looked like Al Sharpton. I guess I could process-of-elimination it if I had to…

Later last night the Pretty Good Podcast celebrated their fortieth podcast with some special guests. Oh nothing, just a coupla major studs named Timmy Conway, Jr. and Brian David Whitman, maaaan.

Congratulations, Randy and Gina. I almost had to blast away at you last week (two weeks ago?) when you started with the Paltalk. But you guys seem to have figured out that it sucks.

So job well done on the first forty shows and I look forward to many, many more.

(And, Gina, I’ve never seen you in person but I’m sure you have just the right amount of skin around your elbows.)

KABC needs Randy Wang

So KABC never posted the podcast of Al Rantel’s last show and now they’ve removed his page from their website.

But if you’ve really got an Al Rantel jones, you can hear a couple minutes of the final show on Mike Mendoza’s podcast from July 1.

I know, KABC sucks.