Fine, fresh, fierce

So, everyone knows I heart Wayne Resnick. It’s a long-standing heartship. I can barely recall a time that I did not listen to his show on KFI.

And because Randy and Gina seem to be infiltrating KFI (in a good way), they recently had Wayne as a guest on the Pretty Good Podcast. (Episode #303) Such a great show – you gotta listen to it.

Wayne talked about how he broke into the radio business by composing an unsolicited theme song for Joe Crummey and Randy played all the theme songs Wayne wrote for the various Conway and Whitman/PGP podcasts.

In a ‘cobbler’s son has no shoes’ kind of way, I thought that maybe someone should write a theme song for Wayne. And that person should NOT be me.

I’d love to and everything but I’m self-aware enough to realize I’m no Katy Perry***. I mean, yeah – if you need someone to write you some super sexy and awesome user manuals for your software application, I’m totally your girl. (Gurl?) But music and clever rhyming schemes aren’t my strength.

Oh wait! Wayne already wrote a bunch of cool theme songs for now-defunct podcasts. Why can’t I just use one of those and change the lyrics? Like a Recycle – Reduce – Reuse thing. I AM pro-environment after all.

OK, it won’t be as good as Wayne’s but – really – what could be?

Wayne Resnick Theme

To the tune of the Conway and Whitman Bodcast Theme (Standard or Alternative edition) by Wayne Resnick

Resnick is talented as hell
Obama black or white
Every Saturday night
Wayne has got a secret job
All we’ll ever know is his cat’s got a blog
It’s Wayne-o Resnick
Effin stud doing those fill-ins for you
Wayne-o Resnick
Come on everyone let’s play the Heavy Petting tune
Resnick then Punnett
Blotter Time
Nothing else rhymes
It’s Wayne-o Resnick
Without him we’d be screwed
Without him we’d have to listen to Handel

***Did you know if you google heroes born in california the #1 result is Katy Perry? It’s true. And disturbing.

Tell the real radio to stop stealing Mr. KABC

So Tuesday on Talk Radio One, Marc’s all…

“We’ll be back tomorrow night with Sharon the Gossip Mom…”

then he’s like – “and Thursday night Regan Burns will review movies…”

and then he goes – “and Friday night Tomm Looney will join us…”

Pfft.

Marc filled in for Doug McIntyre on KABC on Wednesday and – oh yeah – AGAIN tonight.

When Marc is on the real radio, he flames out on TRO. He’s totally like a chick who cancels her Girls’ Night plans with you when her loser, old man, low ratings, lame boyfriend calls.

I miss him. And Rob. And Dina. They’re my best friends highly entertaining broadcast professionals. I enjoy waking up in the morning and downloading last night’s show. And I hardly ever complain to myself about the fact that I have to do this manually even though iTunes downloads all my other podcasts automatically. It’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make.

I know what you’re thinking – the real radio pays money and imaginary Internet radio doesn’t. Money, shmoney.

Grandpa George from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory said, “Only a dummy would give this up for something as common as money. Are you a dummy?”

Well are you?

Twitter doesn’t give you enough characters

RT @KFINEWS Dr. Laura says she’s ending her radio show at the end of the year. Says she wants her first amendment rights back.

Uh…baby – your first amendment rights have not been violated. You said some dumb ess and people (read: advertisers) don’t like it. They pulled out because it’s THEIR right to not put their money into your show. Or any show.

They can waste their money on Yellow Pages ads or matchbook covers or promotional T-shirts if they want. It’s THEIR money.

Just as the celebrated British-American philosopher, Kelly Osbourne, once said, “My teeth, my vagina, my business.” It’s kinda like that.

Your Constitutional rights are not any more important than the rights of other Americans. We’re all the same. One of the Presidents said that.

I think it was Taft.