I agree wholeheartedly

Or, why Teresa Strasser is way better than Tracy Metro.

I’m totally a fan of people having jobs that pay money. Even when it means they can’t be as available to me with free podcasts. (This doesn’t apply to you, Mr. KABC. I really need you to keep doing the free shows, even if it means you have to give up the luxurious lifestyle to which you have become accustomed.)

But yeah…in general, I want all the Internet radio show and podcast people to have real jobs that pay real money. So I understand when Teresa Strasser can’t do the news on the Adam Carolla Show because she’s busy being on the receiving end of a major passive-agressive Peter Tilden move.

I understand it but I don’t like it.

I don’t like it because every chick who has filled in for Teresa has sucked. Completely. As Rich Marotta would say, every one of them has been filled with suckiosity.

And at the pinnacle of Mt. Saint Sucky is this Tracy Metro. I mean, seriously, who told this girl she could do the news?

First of all, she coughed throughout the entire show today. You’re sick, you have a cough, there’s no official ‘cough’ button – I get it. But how about you at least TRY to move your mouth away from the microphone? It was like she mistook the microphone for a Sucrets. (Old-fashioned cough drop reference dedicated to Adam “let’s head down to the Alpha Beta” Carolla.)

And then she was reading some story about Christine O’Donnell, to which Adam said something about her being a Wiccan. And Tracy’s all, “She’s a Wiccan?!?!?!!?!?!?!?” Like it hasn’t been in the news for weeks. If you’re going to pretend to be a news broadcaster, at least pretend that you’ve heard of some news.

Hey, I have a great idea! Maybe someone could give Adam like…10 million dollars? Then he could pull the old Officer and a Gentleman move, swoop into that KABC studio, rescue Teresa from a life of commercial, traffic and news breaks, take her to the warehouse, give her a microphone and maybe half a Xanax, and give her some money.

So yeah…if anyone has an extra 10 million dollars lying around, can you give it to Adam? That would be awesome – thanks!

I Heart Talk Radio and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

I’m going to tell you a secret. No, actually I’m going to tell you a couple secrets.

One…I like it when people tell me secrets. So after reading this post, I think you should tell me one. A good one, though. Don’t tell me anything scary or disgusting. I’m all stocked up on scary and disgusting right now.

Two…I have a secret playlist on my iPod. It’s reserved for listening to on really, really bad days. Really bad. Like when there are inexplicable grounds in your coffee. Or, your neighbors kept you up all night banging on doors and throwing keys and now you’re super tired. Or, your TiVo deleted Mad Men before you had a chance to watch it because it’s all filled up with 80 million episodes of Mythbusters and The Amazing Octopus and Super Massive Black Holes and any show featuring Dr. Michio Kaku.

Pretty bad days, right?

Well…when I have a day as bad as that, all I need to do is grab my iPod, put in those earbuds, and let the perfection of my secret playlist wash over me. It’s kinda like a Silkwood shower, only you feel good after. And your skin isn’t as red.

So…are you ready to hear what’s on this secret playlist? No, it’s not Air Supply Greatest Hits. That’s TOTALLY on my non-secret playlist. Um…please stop laughing.

It is a playlist of my favorite episodes of This American Life. And I named it…

In Case of Emergency, Press Ira

Yeah, cuz I’m a dork. And here is photographic proof.

OK, so now that I’ve outed myself, make me feel better by telling me something. I promise not to tell anyone.

Anthony Quinn’s old t-shirt

Or, in which I humbly ask for your help.

OK. Remember how I told you I’m not a good gardener? Turns out I’m also not good at banner design.

So…if you would like to make me a new banner (990 x 180), I’ll totally be your best friend. I will. I’ll invite you to my birthday party and everything. It will be super fun.

Being my best friend doesn’t sound appealing? I understand. I mean, I’m going to cry a little, but I understand.

Maybe I could write something for you? Give you a lesson about Anne Bolelyn or Queen Elizabeth I? Read your Book Club book and tell you what to say so no one knows you didn’t read it?

Oh! I can catch you up on any of the following TV shows: Mad Men, Dexter, Flipping Out, seasons 1 and 2 of Breaking Bad, or Ballykissangel. And I won’t even spoil the whole Peter/Assumpta thing that happens in season 3.

What?! None of those things hold any market value? Hm.

OK…time for straight-up begging. Please make me a banner? Please?

FHF FAQ II

Did Frosty, Heidi and Frank get fired?

Yes. Well, their contract at KABC was not renewed. Their last show aired 9/24/10.

What happened to Frosty?

Frosty decided to ‘retire’ and part ways with Heidi and Frank. Supposedly, he’s moving to Denver.

What happened to the KABC iTunes feed?

They shut that thing down super fast.

Where’s the final show podcast?!?!?!?!?!?!?

You can download it here. But hurry up…no telling how long KABC will leave it up.

Where can I find the last week’s KABC shows?

I have them. Blind drop. Trader Joe’s Studio City. You drop 30 large behind the Greek yogurt. The 2% kind. No, not the goat’s milk kind, the plain cow’s milk Greek yogurt. 2%. I’ll drop the flash drive. Sorry…I think I’ve been watching too much Breaking Bad…

For now, you can download the KABC shows here. But still – hurry up!

So what now?

Listen to Heidi and Frank live every day 10-12 on www.heidiandfrank.com for free. You can also become a VIP for about $5/month to access podcasts, videos and other extra stuff. Show starts 10/4/10.

What do you mean I have to pay?

Frank’s got a kid, Heidi needs more jeans, vests and hats.

I hate everyone who won’t pay for the Heidi and Frank Show VIP pass.

That’s technically not a question. But I hope Heidi and Frank get tons of subscribers.

I truly wish Frosty, Heidi and Frank the best of luck. Always.

Charles Kuralt, CBC Evening News

Fermat’s Last Theorem of Talk Radio

“Big” KABC announcement: Larry Elder returns to KABC 9-12, replacing Frosty, Heidi and Frank.

“Other” KABC announcement: Mr. KABC, Al Rantel and Bob Brinker return to KABC.

OK, so…yeah…technically, I was wrong. Technically. But I don’t think I was that wrong.

Here’s why…

  • Two of the people on my list – Mr. KABC and Al Rantel – are returning to KABC, just not in the 9-12 slot.
  • The return of Larry Elder satisfies the basic theme of my predictions – bringing back an ex-KABC host.

And seriously, let’s not discount the very real possibility that Jack Silver read my post and thought:

“Yeah, bringing back an ex-KABC host would be cool! Great idea! But I’d better not fulfill her predictions exactly. Too obvious. Who else used to work at this station? Larry Elder? Great! Call him and let’s get back to the cooch* talk! What?! KABC doesn’t do cooch talk?! I don’t understand. What am I doing here?”

*I can’t believe I actually typed that word AND googled it because I was unsure of its spelling.**

**Turns out asterisks are addicting.***

***Off to find an AA**** meeting.

****Asterisks Anonymous. Duh!

You know the drill

“Big” KABC announcement today at 2:00. Anyone planning on listening*? Email me? Please? Thanks. :)

*In case you’re confused, it’s not a requirement that you don’t have both of your original hips to listen to KABC, just to work there. Though I’m pretty sure the original hips to non-original hips ratio for listeners is pretty heavy on the non-original hips side as well.**

**This is a joke. No offense intended toward any KABC employee or listener. You all are young, hip*** and happening in far out, groovy ways.

***Hip. Get it? This is just an example of some of the laughs we have around here.****

****This is a lame pun combined with a reference to The Office’s (BBC version) David Brent.*****

*****Is there a rule as to the number of asterisks you can use in a single post? I’m afraid I have exceeded the limit. Must go to work now, where I will likely use no asterisks. But lots of em dashes.

Heidi and Frank are the brand new Howard Stern. And Frosty is the brand new Jackie Martling.

When I read the news this morning that Heidi and Frank are charging for their new show, I was like…hm…that sucks. I won’t be listening to them anymore. No tears, no drama, no complaining, no angst, no pounding of fists. Just…hm…that sucks.

And then I spent the day thinking about why I didn’t even consider paying for a VIP membership.

Yes, I can ‘afford’ $5 a month. I can ‘afford’ lots of things I don’t buy.

I can ‘afford’ to buy a pack of cigarettes every month – but I don’t smoke. I can ‘afford’ a trip to Chuck E. Cheese every month – but I’d rather not torture myself.

I can ‘afford’ to buy a jar of blueberry preserves from Trader Joe’s every month. And I love Trader Joe’s blueberry preserves – delicious in sandwiches, on toast, in greek yogurt parfaits. (Seriously, you should buy some next time you’re there.) But I don’t buy blueberry preserves every month. Why not? Because it’s just not something I think about much. It’s not that important to me.

I’m rational enough to realize that people who do good work deserve to be paid. I don’t share my Netflix username/password. I always pay for my music downloads. I’m happy to throw some money at Randy and Gina when I can.

But paying for the Heidi and Frank Show makes me feel a little bit sick. I’ve narrowed it down to these reasons:

(Bulleted list especially for Therese.)

  • Heidi and Frank didn’t mention the pay thing at all – until today.
  • Whoever is running their show’s Facebook page is bullying people with – C’mon, $5? Seriously?! Give up your latte! Funny how there’s sooo much support until we ask you to pay! REAL fans will pay! Frankly, I’d prefer a little NPR-style guilt trip more than straight-out bullying.
  • Their new website. I don’t know how to describe it exactly. It’s just like…skeezy or something, vaguely porn-ish in a ‘Watch one minute free – give us your credit card number to see more’ way.

I certainly want podcasting to be successful. I’ve willingly supported lots of Internet radio shows and podcasts in the last year and a half. But this Heidi and Frank thing…it just doesn’t feel right to me.

And, if I learned anything from Dr. Laura, it’s this. If it feels good, do it!

(Wait, that might not be right…)

Get ready to lay a card down

A very bullet-y post…

But hey – you get a free cap if you pay in advance for a year. Woooo – I love free caps!!!

Membership Dees-tails…$49.95/yr or $4.95 month

For me – sorry guys, it’s been a great 10 years.

From The Heidi & Frank Show Facebook page…


The Heidi & Frank Show ‎$5 a month ain’t bad Max! And yes, to podcast you’ll need to be a VIP.

Repost: Sexiest Man Alive – Talk Radio Edition

So…a couple of MAJOR studs (Tim Conway, Jr. and Aron Bender) talked about this post on KFI tonight. (Thank you!!!) Re-posting so it’s not all hard to find…

Oh, and don’t think I don’t know this post was about a gazillion times funnier when Tim read it. That’s why he’s the sexiest man alive and I’m…well…lying in bed on Friday night listening to talk radio.

OK, so People magazine’s sexiest man alive for 2009 is Johnny Depp. Again. Yes, of course he’s hot and radically talented and he seems like a nice person. Fair enough.

But it got me thinking… Who is the sexiest man of talk radio this year?

Should be an easy decision. Radio guys are practically never nerdy, fat, bald, misogynistic, loud mouths with bad attitudes and drug problems.

Oh, wait. This may be harder than I thought.

Let’s see…

Bill Handel - Yeah, we’ll just cross him off right away.

John and/or Ken - No, thanks.

Randy Wang - Gag. (Just kidding, Randy. You’re just too young to be the sexiest man alive. And I may have heard way too many details about your personal life.)

Frank Kramer - Drugs.

Frosty Stilwell - Obviously not.

Malibu Dan - See Frank Kramer.

Luke Burbank - A strong possibility. Maybe next year.

Mr. KABC - Prior to Talk Radio One, he probably would have won. But he’s out. And he knows why – powder blue Crocs.

Plus he’s all vasovagal-ly.

Brian Whitman - A good contender, but seeing as how he’s not actually in talk radio at the moment, I think he’s disqualified.

I guess that just leaves one person…

The Sexiest Man Alive in Talk Radio is Timmy Conway, Jr., maaan.

Look at you, maaan. You’re a major stud.

I said it.