Sexiest Man Alive – Talk Radio Edition 2010

So it’s that time of year again. The time of year when People magazine calls some dude the Sexiest Man Alive. Let’s see…last year it was Johnny Depp. Good enough choice – being all hot and everything.

Right. So 2010. And the Sexiest Man Alive is…Ryan Reynolds. Ryan Reynolds? Who? No, seriously. I don’t know who he is. Is he a person?

I haven’t actually gotten around to looking him up, but that’s OK.  Doesn’t matter. Who cares about People magazine anyway?

Let’s get to the really important announcement – The Sexiest Man in Talk Radio for 2010.

Excited? Me too.

The votes are in. And I’m pretty confident in the results. I tabulated them in my new Android app:  Sexiest Man Alive – Talk Radio Edition Vote Counter. (Yeah, it’s a pretty specific app. But it was only 99 cents, so it was totally worth it.)

OK…so…

The Sexiest Man in Talk Radio for 2010 is…Tim Conway, Jr.! Two years in a row! Look at that guy!

P.S. If you’re thinking about getting that app, don’t go cheap and get the Lite version. It’s totally lame. I tried it out and it calculated Ira Fistell as the winner.

That can’t be right.

We have to write an essay on Stanley Miles.

When my son was seven years old, he spent his Christmas money on a box set of NASA DVDs. He cherished them, insisting they be kept locked in a fireproof safe when not in use. For months he would tell me, “It was so nice of NASA to make these DVDs!!! I’m just SO thankful!!!”

It’s that kind of simple and innocent gratitude we should all have this time of year.

So in addition to being super thankful to NASA for their totally awesome DVDs, I’m also thankful for…

Jen Andrews from TBTL for writing:  If you don’t get why Harry Potter matters, I would remind you that Dobby is a free elf, that “expelliarmus” is the spell used by someone who knows that love is always the answer, and that Percy can always come home.

Trader Joe’s for the sweet potato fries. And the pumpkin butter.

Steve Martin for joining Twitter and for writing another book. Oh, and for tweeting about Leo Laporte. More than once.

Dina Losito and Barry from Omaha for the alternate show during the show.

Randy Wang and Tim Conway, Jr. for the awesomest promos in talk radio.

My MacBook because…obviously.

Adam Shankman for loving dance.

Kelly Dylla and Suzanne Boxdorfer for making the symphony so much fun this summer. #pstweetcert

Wayne Resnick for taking care of us on holidays. And also, just because.

And, of course, everyone who reads I Heart Talk Radio. You guys are all major studs and hot chicks!

Western Estates Falltacular

So tonight’s the night. The triumphant return of Phil Hendrie to KFI. mhm The question is…are we getting the old-school characterish Phil Hendrie? mhm Or the radically angry and bitter shut-in Phil Hendrie? mhm

In the shower this morning mhm I was thinking about Alan Rickman in a cloak when Phil Hendrie mhm did afternoon drive on KFI. mhm That was kinda weird in a good way, right mhm? No heads on a stick mhm, no contrived viewpoints mhm, no phony rage mhm.

But is the mhm Phil Hendrie mhm show a show whose time mhm has come and gone mhm? mhm I suspect that is the mhm case. And what is KFI doing mhm being all KABCish mhm bringing back mhm hosts from the past? mhm

mhm If mhm that is mhm indeed mhm the case mhm let’s mhm start mhm a campaign mhm to bring mhm back mhm…

Nick Federoff mhm
Dr. Toni Grant mhm
Bill Press mhm
Stephanie Miller mhm
Joe Crummey mhm
Kevin Mitnick mhm
Marilyn Kagen mhm
Karel and Andrew mhm
Old McDonald (he’s the guy who used to read the farming information) mhm

mhm

The Prince’s Tale

Seven hundred thirty-five days.

The number of days it takes to become fluent in Spanish?
The number of days it takes to grow a decent garden?
The number of days it takes to clean all the garbage out of your garage?

No. This is the number of days I spent thinking about Severus Snape. Reading and re-reading Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. Until the binding was broken and the pages were wonky. Thanking Mrs. Frydman and Mrs. Zukoski for teaching me about protagonists and symbolism and dénouement. Underlining the crap out of my supporting evidence. Building my case.

A case that I would discuss with anyone of any age at any time in any place. The 50-year old lady that runs the children’s department at Borders. The awkward 12-year old girl at the pool. I didn’t care.

I was entirely confident. I knew exactly how the Harry Potter series would end. Much like the way Brian Whitman sounds more like Tom Leykis than Tom Leykis, I knew better than J.K. Rowling.

I started reading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows at 12:45am July 21, 2007. At 4:30pm I read the following…

“But this is touching, Severus,” said Dumbledore seriously. “Have you grown to care for the boy, after all?”

“For him?” shouted Snape. “Expecto Patronum!”

From the tip of his want burst the silver doe…Dumbledore watched her fly away, and as her silvery glow faded he turned back to Snape, and his eyes were full of tears.

“After all this time?”

“Always,” said Snape.

Here’s the deal, movie people. Professor Snape is the most important character in the series. I’m not sure if you don’t understand that or if you don’t care.

Harry was always going to be good. Voldemort was always going to be evil. Good was always going to win over evil. It’s all about Snape. And if Snape is not handled properly in this movie tomorrow, I’m going to cry.

Real tears.

*For people who don’t like Harry Potter but do like baby otters. Awwww…

Independence Day

Chicago Wiener’s Circle

American Life

NPR

Torey Malatia

Sedaris, David reads from his work. He’s awesome, but why does the woman reading with him sound like she time-traveled here from 1934? I guess if you were born in another century, but you had access to time-traveling technology, you would certainly travel straight to David Sedaris. Right? Hang on while I call George Noory to confirm. No, wait…I mean Ian Punnett. OK…west of the Rockies…first time caller line… Yeah. Ian doesn’t know. He’s talking about poodles. Will need to wait for an Art Bell night for the answer.

Lots of haiku in 1996. Was that a thing?

Enough episodes of This American Life from 1996.

Enough episodes from 1996. But I think 1997 was a better year. Was 1997 another haiku year? Hoping for diamante poems. Skip.

Please don’t hate me. For the acrosticishness. (What? When you’re awake at 2am you’re allowed to make up new words. Yes, you are. It’s totally a rule. Because…like…no one else is awake to criticize you. As a matter of fact, William Shakespeare made up the word ‘dauntless’ at 2am. Also, Angela Pell wrote this dazlious scene in one of my favorite movies at 2am. So see…precedence.)

2010 was too hard, dear.

It seemed like a good idea at the time.

The idea: A collective New Year’s Resolution.

The players: Me, my kid, my brother.

The resolution: 52 Weeks of Crepes

Seems simple enough. Once a week (usually on Sunday) we go to this crepe restaurant (usually for breakfast).

It started off AWESOME! (awesomely?) We all looked like this:

We had our standard orders. Butter, sugar, and lemon for me and my brother. Nutella with no whipped cream for the kiddo.

It was fun. We ate  yummy breakfasts, we drank bad coffee (until we got smart and stopped ordering it). We forced French names upon the counter people. First there was Colette (our favorite), then Sophie (too cheerful – we didn’t like her), Maurice, the brand-new Sophie, Michelle, de Gaulle, and the German-looking girl we called Fräulein.

As we look forward to 2011, we’re excited (and a little nervous) about our new Sunday breakfast regimen. (Because Sunday breakfast should be all about rules and not just something fun and casual.)

Tonight the three of us, older in body and in spirit (no doubt because of the pounds of butter and sugar we’ve eaten this year), established the new New Year Plan.

Here it is.

The resolution: 52 Weeks of Rotating Breakfast

The rules:

1. No mandatory crepes.
2. Breakfast location chosen each week by collective agreement.
3. Take turns having the Power of Veto.
4. POV holder makes the final decision in case of disagreement.
5. The following are UNDESIRABLE and may not be chosen by anyone.

IHOP
Coco’s
Corner Bakery
Denny’s
“Pancake breakfasts” (This encompasses fundraiser breakfasts, free church breakfasts, etc.)
Fast food
Continental breakfasts
Millie’s
Carrows
Baker’s Square
Mermaid restaurant in Solvang
Mustard Seed (Also in Solvang. Apparently we’re all concerned about ending up in Solvang many times in 2011 and being tempted to go to these low-end restaurants instead of the BEST restaurant in Solvang – Paula’s Pancake House.)
Starbucks, Coffee Bean, It’s a Grind (We can get coffee there – just not eat breakfast.)
Dunkin’ Donuts

So yeah…can’t wait for 2011. I’m SO sick of crepes.

**Oh…talk radio. I forgot. Um…after crepes we always listen to that Gary Hoffmann and his Nine News Nuggets. Cuz we need to know them. There.

Please don’t get mad at me…

…but I don’t have ANY Jerry Brown/Meg Whitman finger puppets.

So you have two choices:

1. Pretend it’s Election Night 2008 and you’re all full of hope and change.

2. Pretend John McCain is Jerry Brown and Sarah Palin is Meg Whitman.

And also…

Listen to Election Coverage with Marc Germain, Brian David Whitman, Rob Marinko, and Dina Losito on www.talkradioone.com. 8pm Pacific.

It’s a little light on the election coverage but it makes up for it with Kenny Kingston, sweet spirit.