Dear Robin,

You’re a girl. I’m a girl. Sure, you’re a high-powered radio executive and you’d probably prefer to be called a woman. Well, I’m a wildly successful talk radio blogger – so what? In our hearts, we’re girls.

So let’s play a little game of Truth or Dare. Except only Truth. Because I have no desire to run outside in my bra. (I will, however, email you a super hot picture of my boobs in a tank top if you ask nicely.)

OK. I’ll go first. TRUTH: In season 2 of American Idol, I voted for Clay Aiken. My ex-husband told me to vote for Ruben Studdard. And I didn’t. Why? Out of spite.

Your turn. Having trouble? I’ll help. TRUTH: You’re making a huge deal of the length of the Timmy Time theme. Why? Out of spite.

See…we’re the same.

I feel kinda bad for my coup d’Clay. Because it was a childish thing to do and I’m a nice person. I shouldn’t do low-end things like that.

It’s too late for me but you still have time to change. Be high-end and let those studs play their song.

BFFs 4Ever,
Jen <3

Hair of Gold, Like Their Mother

Please allow me to sing you a song…(btw, I sing in italics)…

Here’s the story of a lovely lady
Who was bringing up three very lovely girls
That’s the way we all became the Brady Bunch.

Isn’t that the greatest TV theme song ever? What?! I missed a few verses? No no, that’s all you need, right? Couple of lines and get right to the hilarious hijinx (or high jinx if you’re fancy) of those wacky Brady kids? No?

Are you seriously trying to tell me the theme is integral to the show in addition to being fun? Pffft. Tell that to Robin Bertolucci. She knows best.

P.S. The above is an example of dramatic irony. (I think. I may have been hungover the day we learned about that in school.)

P.P.S. Please take a sec and LIKE Bring Back the LONG Timmy Time Theme on the Tim Conway, Jr. Show on Facebook. Thank you. Your hair looks really cute today.

Bless My Homeland Forever

Live blogging from classic movie night…

Got here an hour early but these lunatic old ladies in their sweaters with birds and apples sewn on them are already lined up like it’s opening day of Harry Potter 7, part 2 and not a movie that came out in 1965.

The movie is The Sound of Music. Runtime 174 minutes.

I’m thinking…Robin Bertolucci would haaaaate this movie. Way too long. She likes to take artistic masterpieces like the Timmy Time theme on the Tim Conway, Jr. show and tear them to shreds, thereby removing that which makes them special and perfect.

So I thought of a fun game we could play. It’s called If Robin Were in Charge Of…

I’ll go first. If Robin were in charge of The Sound of Music it would go like this.

Clouds. Helicopter shot. Closer, closer. Oh no, Liesl is effing a Nazi. Fancy puppet show. Georg is a major stud. The end.

See…isn’t that fun? Your turn.

P.S. In addition to the old ladies in bird and apple sweaters, the geeky high school drama girls are totally representing at this classic movie night.

P.P.S. Don’t forget to please LIKE Bring Back the LONG Timmy Time Theme on the Tim Conway, Jr. Show on Facebook. Thanks. You’re very sexy for doing that.

Spectacular Festival Pageant of Nighttime Magic and Imagination

Here’s a scene from my Pre-Timmy Time life…

Me: Oh, 7:01. Hm. Tim’s coming on soon. Let me just finish this episode of House Hunters/wash these dishes/organize my earrings/look up the lyrics to the Raveonettes’ You Want the Candy online and I’ll catch TCJ in a bit.

Here’s a scene from my Timmy Time (long edition) life…

Me: Oh, 7:01. (To everyone who happens to be in my house or car…) TIMMY TIME – FOUR MINUTES!!!!! Turn on KFI/turn up volume/tell friends and family to please shut up and get ready to sing.

And then.

Similar to that initial low, bassy, electronic vacuum-sounding buzz that kicks of the Main Street Electrical Parade composition, the opening notes of Timmy Time are evocative and pregnant with verisimilitude.

Everyone becomes instantly enchanted and mesmerized. Then we sing. And dance. And celebrate. And we listen to KFI for three straight hours.

Timmy Time is important. We need it back. It’s a celebration of community and humanity and freedom.

It’s America. In the best way possible.

P.S. If you believe in America, please LIKE – Bring Back the LONG Timmy Time Theme on the Tim Conway, Jr. Show. Thanks. You’re a huge stud.

A little lamb with a lot to learn

It seems Robin the powers that be at KFI don’t like the long Timmy Time theme song on the Tim Conway, Jr. Show.

Um…KFI people…we like it. We LOVE it. We love it so much that I made a Facebook page for it.

So if you love the long Timmy Time theme song, be a huge effing stud and Like that Facebook page, maaaaan.

I Heart Luke and Vanessa

I really, really love them.

So I kinda get the feeling that even though I write about Too Beautiful to Live fairly regularly, I’m the only one in SoCal who’s listening.

This is a tragedy.

Last Wednesday (1/19/11) they posted the second installment of – Making Dinner with Luke and Vanessa. (Or, we kinda don’t have a show today, let’s just press Record while we make dinner.)

I’m totally serious, you guys. These shows are AMAZING. And I’m pretty sure I need to be them when I grow up. And when I say grow up, I mean go back five years, move into a house in Seattle with too many steps out front, listen to NPR, watch Antiques Roadshow, drink Chateau Ste. Michelle wine, and make recipes out of the New York Times.

Also, I might have to get super wasted at karaoke and start fights with people. We’ll see what happens.

Adam Carolla on Sirius. Serious.

OK. So I heard this on Friday when I listened to the Adam Carolla Show episode with Dave Dameshek. (Funny that spell check has a problem with Carolla but not Dameshek.) But, I guess I forgot I heard it. And just now remembered.

Anyway, yeah. Starting tomorrow (I think?) the Adam Carolla Show will be aired live on Howard Stern’s Sirius channel. Two hours, including commercials. Podcast still available free as normal.

Btw, I was just reading through the relevant thread on the Howard Stern message board, something I’ve never done before. Interesting discovery – lots of people place a major emphasis on show guests. As in…I only listen to ACS if there is a good guest.

Maybe it’s just me, but I think guests are the weakest link of any podcast or radio show. With very few exceptions, I kinda hate every guest.

Being good on talk radio is a specific skill and doesn’t necessarily translate to just any actor, comedian, celebrity doctor, arachnid expert, or Hooters chick.

Hey guess what

Gabe from the office has a podcast-sized hole in his heart.

http://www.hulu.com/embed/dGrcwTF2GfXpp1PiUDipVg

I’m so grateful my podcast heart hole is filled.

P.S. Um…I suck. That video was embedded for like…a second. You should click the link and watch it anyway. Only 1:38 out of your life.

Thus the Name “King of Fruits”

Pineapples were once very rare. I learned that from playing Fruit Ninja. So see…it’s educational.

The search engine terms people use to find this site are usually pretty standard. Here’s a sampling from today:

i heart talk radio
debra mark
lara hermanson fired
kfi rss feed
a very special whitman podcast #5

But sometimes I see a search term that, not only makes me laugh, but makes me want to help. Today it was this:

why does todd say pineapple on bill handel

1. I like it when people ask very specific questions of their search engine.
2. I like it when people recognize an inside joke and want in on it.
3. I like it when I’m already in on it and can help.

So, anonymous reader, here’s the deal. When a person is in Sex Addiction Group Therapy there is a ‘safe’ word. (Stop looking at me like that – I don’t know this from personal experience. Seriously. I learned it from Gary Hoffmann like everyone else. Sheesh!) Anyway, you use the safe word when a fellow addict is sharing a story that is too…uh…stimulating for you. The story stops, everyone takes a deep breath, smokes a couple cigarettes, and eats another donut.

The safe word on the Bill Handel Show is pineapple. So now you know.

P.S. I had to play Fruit Ninja like 10 times before the pineapple fact came up. Also, please don’t judge me by my low-end score. Also, I promise my high score is 314. Also, I think that’s pretty good for a phone. Also, Fruit Ninja is way easier on an iPad. Also, I don’t have an iPad. So please feel sorry for me.

Everybody had matching towels

Guess what I got in the mail today!!!

A thoroughly scrunched up pile of mail? Well, yeah. But that happens every day. The special delivery today was this…

It’s my official Heidi and Frank Scotch Lobster hat!!!! Woooooooo!!!!

So…how do I look!?!?! Hot!?!?!?! Oh wait…majorly lame? Yeah, you may have a point there.

P.S. I’m pretending to be super excited about this hat because I don’t want the maniacal Heidi and Frank people to yell at me again. Shhh…please don’t tell them.

P.P.S. Overuse of exclamation points conveys feigned excitement in a way nothing else can. I’ll try to restrain myself tomorrow.