Wondering where I am lost without you

During times of world crisis, I never watch TV. I don’t read newspapers. I don’t listen to Ryan Seacrest. I don’t sit on my front stoop in my dressing gown and curlers talking indiscriminately to passersby. And I don’t crawl back into bed and pull the covers over my head. (OK, sometimes I do that. Stop spying on me.)

I listen to KFI.

I listen to KFI because they have BY FAR the best news department in California. They make me feel informed and safe and looked after.

Today, I’m in love with all these studs.

Eric Leonard – I don’t care if you’re elitist and difficult and scary and untouchable. You ARE KFI news. I remember when I was like 24 and you were like 22 and you were the first one to every crime scene and news story. That was super hot.

Steve Gregory – Yes, I called your newscast adorable the other night. I didn’t mean it condescendingly. You’re a totally bad ass news dude with a huge wang bullet-proof vest. But it was kinda cute hearing you try to say ‘KFI News’ without saying KFI NEWS.

Aron Bender – Oh, Bender… I love your tweets. And I love that you don’t try to act tough in front of Tim. So vulnerable and sweet. It’s true…if it weren’t for the show, you two would have never met. Also, you have the cutest glasses of all the news guys.

Gary Hoffmann – Superfluous Ns aside, I love you mostly for busting Handel’s balls. And also because you pretend you’re too good for everyone. You gotta admire that level of pretention. (Also, I’ve met Gary. And…eh…his forehead’s fine.)

Laura Ingle – OK, I know you don’t work at KFI anymore. But I never had the chance to tell you – you’re amazing. Super tough and AWESOME news chick. I still think about your coverage of the Scott Peterson trial and the day you recounted Sharon Rocha’s testimony during the penalty phase. You cried. I cried. We were lucky to have you.