Practically everywhere I went this week people came up to me going, “Did you hear about the blue watch? Can you believe Tim Conway, Jr. stole Doug Steckler’s blue watch? Do you think Tim will buy Steckler a new blue watch? Is Tim jealous of Steckler having nice things like a blue watch?”
Yesterday I was at Target buying my nine cans of Campbell’s tomato soup with commemorative Andy Warhol-inspired labels and this older lady slides up to me and whispers, “Blue watch?” I discretely lifted my left shirt sleeve to reveal my tattoo, which is the words “Team Steckler” wrapped around my wrist where a watch would go.
We nodded to each other knowingly, exchanged Twitter names, and then went our separate ways.
But while I was finishing my Target shopping, stocking up on clearance wine, Gardetto’s pretzel mix, and Purell, I was thinking about Barack Obama.
Why was I thinking about Barack Obama? Because he was a community organizer.
And as I read in Saul Alinsky’s book, Rules for Radicals, community organizers are supposed to be “an abrasive agent to rub raw the resentments of the people of the community; to fan latent hostilities of many of the people to the point of overt expressions.”
Isn’t that exactly what Tim Conway, Jr. is doing by stealing Doug Steckler’s blue watch, a gift bestowed on him by Petros Papadakis?
Hasn’t the community organized itself around the blue watch? Haven’t we seen the masses rise up against the injustice of it all? Do we not meet nightly in secret basements to talk about hope and change and the despicable lack of blue watch civil rights for all Americans, regardless of skin color, religion, or sexual orientation?
I say YES! I say WE’RE GONNA SPREAD HAPPINESS! WE’RE GONNA SPREAD FREEDOM! BLUE WATCH IS GONNA CHANGE IT! BLUE WATCH IS GONNA REARRANGE IT! BLUE WATCH IS GONNA CHANGE THE WORLD!