27 Rue de Fleurus

I recently watched three things: Millionaire Matchmaker, Wicked Tuna, and Bill Nye the Science Guy. Just kidding. Well, I actually did watch Millionaire Matchmaker but only because it was on in the lobby while I was waiting for my laser appointment.

What really happened was that I watched Midnight in Paris, saw the play Picasso at the Lapin Agile, and watched a documentary about Ray and Charles Eames on Netflix.

And I got to thinking about how sometimes (rarely) there are groups of crazy talented people who come together in such a divine and energetic way that it makes the individuals even better than they would have been otherwise.

How does that happen? Is there like a centralized awesome beacon that attracts the other awesome people?

Gertrude Stein was at the center of so much awesomeness. And she was pretty awesome herself. Having all that awesomeness circulating around her, I think made her a better writer. Made Picasso a better painter, made Hemingway and Matisse better artists.

Which makes humanity a lot more awesomer.

You know what else is like that? The Tim Conway, Jr. Show.

Tim, Aron Bender, Jason Insalaco, Randy Wang, Angel Martinez. All individually talented people. But brought together in this symbiosis of amazingness – magical.

Confession: The recent departure of show producer Jason Insalaco and the upcoming departure of board op Randy Wang has me a little unnerved.

(Another confession: It’s possible I place too much importance on frivolous things.)

But as I look back over the many incarnations of the Tim Conway, Jr. Show, I realize Tim is the beacon.

It’s all going to be okay. More than okay. It’s going to be awesome.

(No pressure, Mystie.)

Act Two of Our Program, Act Two

So everyone knows the best radio show to listen to while running is the Wayne Resnick show. That’s obvious.

But I was thinking about other perfect radio show-activity pairings. This is what I came up with. Feel free to add yours.

Perfect radio show to listen to while…

Gardening – Leo Laporte

Working – Tim Conway, Jr.

Battling insomnia – Pretty Good Podcast (Sorry guys, Gina’s mom nailed it.)

Lying flat on your back trying to make your stomach as concave as possible – 5:00 hour of the Bill Handel show

Taking a bath – News Bender

P.S. The whole bathtub/radio pairing is probably the most controversial of them all. Most people will go for This American Life. And I can see that. It’s soothing, intriguing, comforting. But it’s too long for a bath. You’ll end up having to be like – Oh! The Starlee Kine story is starting. I’ll get out now and listen to the rest in bed. Crap! The Sarah Vowell feature started. OK, fine. I’ll just stay here until it’s over. Wait, what did David Rakoff just say? Ugh! Now I have to get up, dry off enough so that I don’t destroy my iPhone, tap Pause, rewind. It’s a lot of work.

P.P.S. I know it’s mostly dudes who read this, so you might not know about that concave stomach thing. It’s just what girls do in the morning to see how skinny they are that day. Which, in turn, determines whether or not they’ll have a good day.

P.P.P.S. Girls are a mess. You guys should just all be gay. I think it’s easier.

Sexiest Man Alive – Talk Radio Edition 2011

Each changing place with that which goes before,
In sequent toil all forwards do contend.

That’s from Sonnet 60, in which Shakespeare talks about the passing of time. Seriously – In sequent toil all forwards do contend?!?! Eeeeeffffff, that’s hot.

Well, I’m dumb. So I can’t write about the passing of time like that. I can only write about it as it relates to People magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive announcement. Woooooooo! (Think Shakespeare ever wrote woooooooo in one of his sonnets? No? Frankly, I think some of them would have been better for it.)

So…another year, another guy. This year…Bradley Cooper, looking very Ralph Fiennes-in-Quiz Show-esque on the cover of People. I’m in.

That settled…let’s get to the important announcement. The reason you’re all here. The news you’ve been waiting for.

Sexiest Man Alive – Talk Radio Edition

The contenders:

Luke Burbank
I love a guy with a new ‘life plan’ every few days. Only Eat Turkey and Pickles Plan…Drink Tea Not Coffee Plan…No Napping Plan. Adorable. And he listens to NPR. Sexy.

Rob Marinko
Rob was nominated by another dude. (Not that there’s anything wrong with that.) But yeah, I’d let him drive my car 100mph. (That is not a euphemism.)

Neil Saavedra
If this contest was decided by the votes of my real life friends, Neil would win hands down. For reals. All my friends are in love with Neil. And they’re right – he’s a major stud.

Michael Crozier
Ooofah…that’s good, btw.

Aron Bender
C’mon. Aron ran marathons with asthma AND a deviated septum. He’s like a superhero. Also, he knows everything. Super hot.

But for me, there’s nothing sexier than a man with S-shaped posture, who has a radical gambling jones, who knows every street name in that valley, who orders off the senior menu at IHOP, who takes his daughter to the Gene Autry Museum.

And who also makes me laugh out loud every single night.

Sexiest Man in Talk Radio 2011:  Tim Conway, Jr. 

P.S. If I know you in real life and you’re not on this list, don’t be sad. It’s only because you already know how sexy I think you are.

P.P.S. 2010

P.P.P.S. 2009

Nightmares of Monsters and Skeleton Heads

As you know, I am a member of several non-profit organizations. Perhaps the one I like best is called – People For Telling the Kids There is NO Trick or Treating This Year Cuz We’re Staying Home to Listen to Talk Radio Instead (PFTTKTINTOTTYCWSHTLTTRI).

Yeah, it’s a pretty awesome group. Though the money we have raised thus far has mostly been spent on having our nameplate engraved (they charge by the letter), and also on caramels (which we use to both bribe the children and keep them quiet during meetings).

On Halloween 2009 KFI did this Theatre of Doom special program, which was fairly cool. Chris Corley read some classic scary stories like The Legend of Sleepy Hollow. And I enjoyed it. I mean…I like books, I like people to read to me, I like guys with interesting voices who speak well. Good times.

On Halloween 2010 KFI decided to take what was charming about 2009 and ruin it with Bill Carroll. Because apparently, inconsistent use of a Scottish accent and marginal reading ability was what KFI thought was missing in 2009.

However, KFI is totally gonna make up for last year’s crappy Halloween broadcast. Because tonight, while Tim Conway, Jr. is out trick-or-treating (and getting parking tickets) with his daughter, ARON BENDER will host the show…or, progrm, rather.

And he probably won’t affect a Scottish accent at all.

Yay!

P.S. Here’s a picture of me in my best Halloween costume of all time. :)

Cockles and Mussels

Hi.

In my last post I called newsman Aron Bender ‘sweet and vulnerable.’ That’s totally true. But I forgot a few things. (What?! I’m sorry! I was having trouble adjusting to all this lame sunlight we get during Daylight Saving Time. Pfft. Sun. Who needs it?)

So Bender…(in addition to being sweet and vulnerable) you are a major, major stud.

If I actually knew you and I had like…a jar of Peppadew peppers that I couldn’t open, I would totally ask you to open it for me. This confident am I in your massive masculine strength.

Also, I’m sure you’ve made out in cars with tons of chicks. (Before you were married, OF COURSE.) You know how to work that – I’m sweet and vulnerable, ‘talk nerdy to me,’ but also super effing hot – vibe.

There you go. Makes the News Bender sound way sexier, right?

The world according to Aron Bender

No new post today?

Well…no. But it’s not like I don’t WANT to post something new. It’s just that…you know…I’m just letting yesterday’s post BREATHE.

P.S. How do we feel about the random all-caps words in sentences? I’m reading my boyfriend’s John Hodgman’s book, More Information Than You Require, and it’s a move he pulls. I think it’s rubbing off on me.