Look at those FM studs taking over that Amplitude Modulation, maaan!

Quote:

Adam Carolla
The funnyguy sits in with Handel Tuesday, then does the Morning Show himself Thursday!

There are a few unbelievable things about this. Number one, that a station as significant as KFI thinks that “funnyguy” is one word. Two, that King Bill VIII would actually allow someone funnier and more interesting than himself to share the limelight. And three, that old Copper Nose would let that person host the show in his absence.

Remember when Frosty showed up for work every day, despite the rheumatic fever, bottles of Nyquil, and Jack Daniels? I’ve never worked in radio but I’m pretty sure it’s common knowledge that you should never have a fill-in host if you can avoid it.

King Bill has two standard fill-ins.

Wayne Resnick – Fantastic host and way better than Bill, but he has a day job and is not interested in a full-time radio career. He is, therefore, not a threat to the Handel dynasty.

Gary Hoffman – Already in his majesty’s service. Easy to control.

Bringing in someone like Adam is a surprising move, but I can’t wait to see who wins the narcissism contest!

I heart Drew Carey

Or, the place where they hide the books.

Or, libarries. (Just kidding, I hate when people say that.)

Over the years I’ve heard a lot of anti-library comments made by radio talk show hosts. I think it’s their egos – they want to be the sole source of all information. Or maybe it’s their intellectual insecurities. Whatever.

John Kobylt, Adam Carolla, Randy Wang, and even my beloved Mr. KABC have recently raked libraries over the mud (like that, Dina?).

One argument against libraries is the creepy factor. Low-end lascivious losers looking at adult content on the Internet whilst little children are wandering about. Valid point.

Have I been ever been molested at the library? Of course. Who hasn’t?

Look, I’m not suggesting you hang out there all day. By all means, get in and get out. But the benefits of libraries vastly outweigh the trauma.

Money - You don’t buy the DVD of every TV show you want to see, right? You check it out on Hulu or Netflix first. If you love it, you’ll buy it. It’s the same thing with books. If I had to pay for every book my family reads, we would be at over $100/month.

Clutter - If you’ve seen Hoarders you know what happens when you collect too many McDonald’s Happy Meal toys. You end up needing serious psychological help. There’s just no need to collect a million books that you only read once.

Environment - Why waste the paper?

Freedom of knowledge – In the history of the world, it wasn’t all that long ago that the average person did not read. It was illegal to teach girls to read. Reading was for priests and the very wealthy. Let’s be grateful that in 2009 in the United States everyone is allowed to read and, no matter how poor you are, you can reap the benefits of the world’s greatest authors, businessmen, historians and scientists.

So get a library card. And read a book. How about this one?

I have to go listen to KFI now. I think my heart is starting to bleed a little.

Caillou has oddly colored shoes

OK, here’s the deal. I only listen to talk radio. I mean, I ONLY listen to talk radio. I haven’t listened to music radio since I was a young teenager. When I bought a new car with a six-disc CD changer, my brother seriously asked me, “Do you even have six CDs?” (No.) I have a mixed CD with five songs on it – and two of them are the same song.

(So, Brian, it’s not because I don’t love you that I never leave any song requests on your Facebook page, I just don’t know any songs. Can I request old radio talk show themes? I’d love to hear the old KFI Bill Press song.)

So get this – Adam Carolla had a musical guest today. And I’ve heard of him!

But for a totally geeky reason.

In the summer of 1987 I went to Disneyland nearly every single night to watch this band, Polo, perform at the Tomorrowland Terrace. The drummer of the band was a 15-year old Josh Freese. (Coincidentally, he also lived across the street from me.)

Ignore that mullet-sporting guy and look at Josh playing the drums. (And check out the Skyway in the background.) I think they’re playing Little Red Corvette.

josh

And just for fun, here’s a picture of me with another member of the band. I think his name was Kevin. Love those 80s, maan.

jen

I am SO good at The Secret

So first I wrote about Dave Ramsey not being on in Los Angeles. A couple days later he was added to the KFWB lineup.

Then I wrote that KFI was shortchanging us with only two hours of Tim Conway, Jr. a week. And now he has two big weekend time slots! Saturday and Sunday 4-7pm. Look at that stud!

I might as well send out my other radio requests to the universe…

Mr. KABC returns to KABC.

Frosty, Heidi and Frank return to the airwaves.

Adam Carolla monetizes his podcast and stops compressing the hell out of it.

Melinda Lee’s Thanksgiving show starts at 5am not 10am. (OK, it’s a small request. I just enjoy the level of crazy that gets people worked up about turkeys at 5am.)

Brian Whitman is completely healthy and has a full-time job on Air America.

Gina Grad gets health insurance. And AAA. And cats. And earrings. And moves out of Echo Park.

Randy Wang becomes the king of all podfathers, makes tons of money, and Tom Leykis begs him for a job. But by that time, Randy has decided ignorance is not bliss and thinks Leykis is too washed up for his prestigious podcasting company and tells him to stick to writing blogs on MySpace.

Better than most, not as good as some, at 7:29 on a Wednesday night

Or, The Almost Live Podcast.

Or, The Day and Date Podcast.

This is my morning routine. Wake up at 5:00 and turn on the Bill Handel Show. (Trust me, I would love to listen to Doug McIntyre instead, but, unfortunately, I still have both original hips.) Then at 6:00 switch over to KLSX to hear the beginning of the Adam Carolla Show.

Wait. Cancel. That was before.

Then at 6:00 fire up that iTunes and start downloading podcasts.

Is there a new Pretty Good Podcast? A new Brian Whitman podcast? Who is the guest on today’s Adam Carolla podcast? Some guy from the UFC? I’ll pass. Some random comedian? Maybe. I’ll see how the day progresses. Teresa Strasser and Bald Bryan? Yes, please!

Recently Adam started experimenting with what he calls the “day and date” podcast. This is an almost live show recorded (I think) the previous night and is a vast improvement over the nebulous, out-of-order-and-who-knows-how-old shows of yore, though still slightly submariney sounding. (How’s that for some alliteration?)

And, in case you’ve gone out of your way to avoid a lot of information, you already know that Frosty, Heidi and Frank are doing an “almost live” podcast as well. They took my advice (ha!) and started recording their shows from Rudy Dog Studios at Frosty’s house. Every single weekday. At, like, 6:00 in the morning.

And, just like the old days almost like the old days, FHF is ready for you at 10.

Five foot two, eyes of blue, but oh what those five foot two could do…

Caballeros del amor

Or, I’m the brand new Andy Rooney.

Do you ever wonder where podcasts are recorded?

Adam Carolla records in his super garage or warehouse. The Pretty Good Podcast – Randy’s studio apartment in Valley Village. Low Budget Radio – a garage in Korea Town.

Frosty, Heidi and Frank rent studio time at a real recording studio. The former bobsled recorded in Brian Whitman’s backyard in Toluca Lake. (BTW, I could never live in Toluca Lake. It sounds OK, but Toluca is radically ugly when typed.)

So I listened to April Winchell’s newest podcast today. (It’s great – definitely check it out.) When Talk Radio One was in its infancy, April would sit on the couch with a towel over her head and Skype with Marc.

But just as the Jeffersons moved on up to that de-luxe apartment in the sky, April has upgraded her podcasting set-up. Like a modern-day Mary Tyler Moore (What’s with all the ’70s TV references?), she’s thrown that oppressive towel in the air and now sits unencumbered in an actual chair.

In the closet.

Who can turn the world on with her smile…

97.1 is my 4513 Woodman

So here we are, more than three months later. I’m hittin’ those podcasts, I can fall asleep again, I’m more in love with my iPod Touch than I can describe.

Everything is good.

Really?

Let me lay this scene on you. It’s Friday. I’ve just dropped my son off at science class. I’m getting back in that Corolla (named Natalia, after Adam Carolla’s daughter) to drive back to that hot box. I glance at the clock – 12:01. Yes! Frosty, Heidi and Frank are back from commercial.

Um, no, loser. They haven’t been back from commercial in quite some time. And it doesn’t seem likely they’ll be back from commercial any time soon.

Sure, they throw that FHFU at us once a week. I appreciate it. In the way that Big Tom, Deaf Christy and Jerri Manthey (outdated Survivor references just for you, Frosty) appreciate a spoonful of peanut butter. It’s awesome when you get it, but what you really want is a whole jar. Or many jars. Just waiting for you in the pantry. 

Maybe you used to have non-stop access to peanut butter. Maybe you didn’t eat the peanut butter every day. Maybe sometimes you said you hated peanut butter. Maybe sometimes you took the peanut butter for granted. Maybe you occasionally listened to Dr. Laura in the car instead of eating peanut butter. (What?!) 

Since when did life become a jar of peanut butter that never contains more than one bite? A bite that you have to scrape from the sides of the jar and it gets all over your hands and it leaves you smelling like an old lunchbox all day?

Since February 20, 2009.

(This metaphor makes The Story of the Three Bees seem like Heart of Darkness.)

What I’m trying to say is that I’d like some more peanut butter.

And I would like the peanut butter to play a Kurzweil every now and then.

Boy the way Glen Miller played…

Air check – KLSX edition

So it’s been about two months since 97.1 flipped to Top 40. Let’s see where we stand with the former KLSXers…

Adam Carolla – Free daily podcast. Terrible sound quality, moderately good content.

Frosty, Heidi and Frank – Free weekly podcast. Good quality shows. Frosty seems to be giving up on them though. Heidi is trying to break into the How Many Pictures Of My Dogs Can I Post On Facebook business. Frank is busy buying expensive gifts for his girlfriend.

Danny Bonaduce – Morning drive in Philadelphia.

Tom Leykis – Writing a MySpace blog. Really, Tom, MySpace?

Tim Conway, Jr. – Trying to break the record for how many radio jobs a single dude can have. I count 5 at this time.

John and Jeff – Still rocking that third shift. But not in Los Angeles.

So at this point the breakaway winner is…Tim Conway, Jr. maaan. I said it, that guy is a major stud.

BTW Frank and Heidi, I’m calling BS on those horse stories today.

Frank, didn’t you say your horse outlived you?

Get ready Brian Whitman, I’m about to say some beautiful things

Or, I’ll do the radio math.

Adam Carolla is the king of radio math when it comes to judging chicks on how fat they are.

I’m the princess of interpreting programming changes on talk radio, especially on KFI.

Tonight on the bodcast we learned that Tim-dog is flaming out. His explanation is that he wants to concentrate on his other radio jobs and spend about six months doing nothing.

Meanwhile, over on KFI, Bryan Suits opened his show with two hot and quick references to “this week.”

Tim did an absolutely brilliant job on KFI this week. I have heard dozens of new hosts (newbies and experienced broadcasters) on that station over the last 17 years. Tim outshined all of them. His shows were comfortable and smooth, professional, smart, funny, informative – everything a KFI talk show should be. They would be fools not to hire him.

So here’s the radio math. Kennedy and Suits have a contract. I don’t know when it ends, but it will not be renewed. They might not even last the length of the contract. Tim will work on Sundays 2-5 and various fill-in time slots until K&S are let go. (My money’s on sooner rather than later.) Then he will slide into that 7-10 slot, maan.

And I think it’s great.

Brian Whitman – Here’s where I say those beautiful things.

Before Tim joined the bodcast, the Brian Whitman podcast was fantastic. I laughed out loud dozens of times in each podcast. I said it man, it was the effin best. And I know it’s going to be great now. The shows with Brian, Randy and Gina are more relaxed, more intimate and more spontaneous. I have more to say about why that is, but I’ll save it for another day.

For now I’ll just shamelessly beg Brian to stay committed to this podcast. Please don’t read negative emails or message board posts. Stick to my blog. I’ve been on your side since KABC and I will always say beautiful things about you.

Brian David Whitman. The number one voice guy in industrials.