One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight

So…last week President Obama waited until around 8:00 PDT to make the Osama is dead announcement. Please note that 8:00 PDT is decidedly AFTER the Frosty Stilwell program is over and definitely DURING the Wayne Resnick program.

And this week, Frosty is absent from his show, with his time being split between Bryan Suits and Wayne Resnick.

Coincidence? I think not.

Conclusion? President Obama is not a Frosty fan.

I am SO buying the president a Heidi and Frank gift membership.

P.S. Could the Heidi and Frank Website be any harder to navigate? It’s so cluttered and it makes no sense. I can never find what I’m looking for.

If you call and I’m not home, I’ll be at the gym or the gun club.

Hello, Jack? I’m Annette.

Some of you have wondered why I’ve been so generous and complimentary lately. You’re like – What’s going on with you? You seem so happy. Did you get a new kitten? Are you pregnant? Are you in love? And I’m all – No…I don’t think so…and no.

So lest you think I’ve become too soft, here’s a list of people who are doing it wrong.

Heidi and Frank – They open the show with various songs that have two things in common. They’re super long and they’re super annoying. Actually, the entire show is filled with terrible music.

Pretty Good Podcast – Sorry, Randy. I’m totally glad you have a girlfriend. Will you please just call her your girlfriend? Or at least make up a new, normal name for her? Something like Rachel or Emily or Brooke? I mean, I get the Apollonia significance, but c’mon. Unless you’re actually Prince, you can’t call your girl Apollonia.

KFI – Alright, we’ve had our Frosty trial. Enough. He’s not getting better. He’s getting worse.

And likewise Captain Farrell

Hey, you hooligans. This is meant to be a present for you. I realize presents are usually something NICE that you would actually WANT.

You guys…understand it’s the thought that counts. I did my best. (OK, maybe not my BEST, but I did stay up late. That counts for something, right?)

My mother loved to twirl

You know how sometimes things are unexpectedly disappointing? Like…

Someone else bought the cabinet you so desperately wanted from HomeGoods so that you could upgrade your lifestyle by pretending you’re Kathleen Kelly. And now it belongs to someone who will most certainly NOT pretend to be Kathleen Kelly whilst using it – probably for something stupid like fake ferns, rusty watering cans, and candles they never light. Not awesome wine, IKEA napkins, and fresh cut daisies from the farmer’s market like you were going to. Or…

Your landlord decided to install a new mailbox and not give you a new key so you’ve been waiting with increasingly annoyed anticipation for six days to receive The Wire, Season 3 Disc 1 from Netflix. And you’re kind of forgetting about that crush you had on Stringer. Which is unfortunate because he is HOT. Or…

Your totally nice, Japanese-made car needed new brakes and a bunch of other stuff, which added up to $518, which you didn’t have so you had to lay a card down, which made you laugh a little bit to yourself when you used the phrase ‘lay a card down,’ but not enough to offset the unexpected disappointment of having to pay $518, which you would have had if you had listened to Dave Ramsey and had a $1000 ‘starter emergency fund’ instead of a ‘spend $1000 on a computer and new Coach bag’ plan.

Right?

Well, today was kinda like that with podcasts.

Too Beautiful to Live – No Jen.
Tim Conway, Jr. – Bryan Suits fill in.
Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me – Clip show. SPORTS clip show.
Heidi and Frank – Stay or go.

Meh.

An old man turned ninety-eight

Good evening. Coming to you live from the Cr-48 Google Chrome OS notebook that showed up on my doorstep this afternoon.

Kid: Do you know what Cr-48 means?
Me: What?
Kid: It’s a Chromium isotope. The people that work at Google are REAL geeks.
Me: Indeed.

Alright…back to radio.

You know how Frosty, Heidi, and Frank could never understand the difference between irony and coincidence? Also, you know how they HATED being required to broadcast the Wing Bowl? And they cited Wing Bowl requirements as a big reason they’re glad to be Internet-radioing?

So last weekend Heidi and Frank hosted the Wing Bowl for KLOS. (Apparently, it’s a radio station that plays music? Yeah, I had never heard of it either.) And they think KLOS is courting them for a possible return to the real radio.

Is that irony or coincidence?

P.S. When do you think Heidi and Frank will merge with the Pretty Good Podcast? It seems imminent.

Everybody had matching towels

Guess what I got in the mail today!!!

A thoroughly scrunched up pile of mail? Well, yeah. But that happens every day. The special delivery today was this…

It’s my official Heidi and Frank Scotch Lobster hat!!!! Woooooooo!!!!

So…how do I look!?!?! Hot!?!?!?! Oh wait…majorly lame? Yeah, you may have a point there.

P.S. I’m pretending to be super excited about this hat because I don’t want the maniacal Heidi and Frank people to yell at me again. Shhh…please don’t tell them.

P.P.S. Overuse of exclamation points conveys feigned excitement in a way nothing else can. I’ll try to restrain myself tomorrow.

Lost Locket, Found Locket

So…latel KFI has been scheduling a decent number of Frost sit-ins on the Tim Conwa, Jr. Show. As well as a heav number of Frost fill-ins on the weekend.

Are we to assume that Frost is out of retirement? Did he alread grow wear of all the earl morning breakfasts, bingo plaing, bell dancing, biccling, Habitat for Humanit house building, butterfl watching, genealog, kaaking, photograph, potter, puppetr, reading to the elderl, sk diving, food pantr working, oga, and o-oing?

I abnormall, absolutel, abstractl, absurdl, abundantl, academicall, acceptingl, accidentall, achingl, acousticall, acrimoniousl, acrobaticall, actinicall, activel, adorabl, affectionatel, agitatedl, allegoricall, alliterativel, alphabeticall, anaerobicall, approvingl, asexuall, austerel, avidl hope so. Azimuthall.

So thanks, KFI. Bringing on Frost was a ver, ver, ver, ver good decision. Thank ou.

P.S. What do we think is the long-term plan here? Sorr, Bill Carroll.

The Internet isn’t written in pencil; it’s written in ink.

So yeah…it’s Saturday night. You know what that means – Date Night! And in the absence of any interesting and likable men to go out with, I took my favorite nerd to see a nerdy movie about a famous nerd. Because I’m a cool mom like that.

(Oh, and I also bought a super cute top at Old Navy for $3. Because I’m a girl and a thrifty shopper.)

Sorry, back to the movie… The lesson learned is this. Sometimes bloggers write some stupid ess. When it’s 4:00 in the morning and you’re drunk and your girlfriend dumped you. Or when it’s the middle of the day and you’re remarkably sober and your radio people want you to give them $50 a year to continue your relationship.

But if we bloggers can’t publicly admit we were wrong, what kind of people are we? So here comes my confession…

I know I said I wasn’t subscribing to the Heidi & Frank Show. But I caved. I’m totally a full-fledged VIP member. So when y’all see me traipsing about Southern California in a Scotch Lobster hat…um…say hi?

Well, say hi and then tell me to take that stupid hat off cuz I’m messing up my hair. Deal?

Frank Kramer is the brand new Don Draper

Or, damn you Frank Kramer.

Or, call off the chickens!

Or, Kars 4 Kids can shove it up my a**.

(I can keep doing this but that would be super lame so I’ll stop.)

Or, Tootie, Frank and Frost.

(Sorry, I couldn’t help it. I’ll totally stop now.)

Or, looking for a guy with a jambox.

(I swear I didn’t type that last one! My typewriter is out of control!)

(My typewriter?!?! Who do I think I am? Frank Navasky?)

(I’m sorry that link didn’t do a good job of associating Frank Navasky with typewriters, but apparently there’s a conspiracy amongst the good people who contribute to YouTube to censor all Frank Navasky/typewriter references. I know…it’s a big problem and I intend to get right on it.)

Anyway…

Frank Kramer was a guest on the Pretty Amazing Podcast (episode #324). Wait, I mean the Pretty Good Podcast. And he was good. No, amazing.

(Who’s writing this post? Marginally literate monkeys?)

Just please know that Frank was so incredibly funny and charming that I’m about to throw $5 at him.