KABC News: Eh, we never said we were that into it.

You know how when you’re reading The New York Times on Monday morning and they’re like -

An Italian cruise ship ran aground on Friday. We were kinda busy this weekend so that’s like all we know now. If you want more information, maybe you can come back later today or tomorrow or something?

Well, probably more like tomorrow afternoon because, you know, today is Monday. And I HATE Mondays.

So….I’ll probably be able to get some more details on this boat thing like mid-morning Tuesday? And then right after lunch I’ll type somethin’ up for ya. Mkay?

Yeah, I mean, I guess if you want to know more RIGHT NOW (sheesh!) you could read another newspaper or online news site. I suppose some of their reporters have like NO life and spent time over the weekend actually monitoring this story.

But c’mon, it’s not like we’re a NEWSpaper or anything….. Oh….right.

Okay, fine. How ’bout some Golden Globes news then? Well, Ricky Jervayis was the host….or, something like that anyway. You can’t honestly expect me to know how to spell his name. I told you -

I-was-bus-y-this-week-end.

No? That’s not how The New York Times covered these events? How odd. I just thought since they’re a news source and KABC is supposedly a news source, they’d have a similar work ethic. Apparently not.

Terri-Rae Elmer revealed on air that this morning was her first time seeing the shipwreck pictures. She also had no idea how to pronounce Ricky Gervais’ name.

Seriously, T-Rae? I thought you were supposed to be the news anchor. The big-shot KFI news anchor that brings all the credibility and listeners and awards and stuff. And you’re not even TRYING to be good at your new job?!

That is bullshit.

P.S. Please forgive my un-ladylike language.

P.P.S. Doug, you’re a big stud. Sorry.

Silver, he is Jack Silver

Where: KABC Studios, Los Angeles, California

When: Three weeks ago

Jack: SCORE!! We bagged a KFI news chick!! We’re gonna be HUGE!

Jack: OK, give it to me – what ya got?

Terri-Rae: What do you mean? I worked at KFI for 28 years. KFI news is one of the most successful and respected news departments in all media.

Jack: Yeah, yeah, that’s neat. But what’s your gag, your gimmick, your affectation, your fake name… C’mon, give me something to work with here.

Terri-Rae: Well…when John would say something gross I would say ‘ewwwwwww.’ Is that what you mean?

Jack: That’s good, that’s good. But we need to tweak it, make it more KABC and less KFI. Thinking, thinking, thinking…. I’ve got it!!! Instead of ‘ewwwwwww’ you go ‘ohhhhhhhhh.’ It’s RADIO GOLD!

And….scene.

Never had to have a chaperone, no sir.

Alright studs. Let’s do this thing.

So last week whilst I was enjoying a delightful evening at the cinema…

…all of radio went effing nuts.

Terri-Rae Elmer

After like 28 years working at KFI, Terri-Rae Elmer quit. You guys, I’m only 29 years old. That means she’d been working at KFI since I was baby. Crazy.

Red Eye Radio

Um…yeah. So then Doug McIntyre quit Red Eye Radio, an institution he created.

TRD in the morning

Remember the morning show at KFI in the early 90s – TNT in the Morning? Terri-Rae Elmer and Tracey Miller? I would listen to that.

I guess KABC is finally coming around to that idea. And now Terri-Rae and Doug are available so they’ve teamed up to bring us a new KABC morning show called…TRD in the Morning? Seriously? Turd in the Morning??? Okaaaayyyy…

Just kiddin’, I’m sure it’s not called that. And Doug is super fantastic and smart. I’ll definitely check it out.

Question: Does this mean Doug will have to go into KABC every day again? I’m pretty sure he’s been doing Red Eye from his office. Or maybe Terri-Rae will go over to Doug’s place? Sounds cozy.

Peter Tilden

Oh. Right. Um…was that show still on?